Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
