YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
