You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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