So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
