You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
