oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
