after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
