while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
