I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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