brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
