Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Fuck appropriateness.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Randomize
