when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize