So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
