the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
