my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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