to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
