you turned your livingroom into a bong?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
