i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
