Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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