I cannot find my penis.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
