THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
