She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize