you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
