Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
