You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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