I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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