my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
