why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
