Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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