if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
