Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I could have mohawked her pubes.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Randomize
