im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
