You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm just crazy horny about you
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
