remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
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I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
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Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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