I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
