Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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