so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
