She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
