five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
