I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
