she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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