you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
