Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
