Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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