yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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