Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
