she looked like the before picture.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
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If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
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I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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