If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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