dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
