somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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