Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
