I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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