I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
