i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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