I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
