there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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