You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
