Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
