So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
