so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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