Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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