never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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