garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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