It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The adults are the big ones right?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
