i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
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i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
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You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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