I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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