Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
