Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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