Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize